18) A Roundup.

“Shh! Listen! Someone’s coming! I think — I think it might be us!” Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – J K Rowling.

Yes Hermione, I think it may well be… Could be that school uniform.

Hi there girls and boys, I hope you’re well.

This week I thought we’d revisit some old posts and look at how they had been received, as well as seeing if anything had changed in the short time that had passed since their birth. I receive very few comments below the posts, most choosing to email me through the site which is fine. Please comment if you wish, I allow everything to be shown, as you’ll see…

If you are new, welcome, but this will make no sense unless you’ve read the other posts.

2) I wrote about Number 45. Well, despite his objections, there will be a 46 and it won’t be him. The time came when he had the chance to be a man, stand up and admit defeat, but no, he took the route of the two year old that has had his sweets taken away. Who’s to say if the new version will be any better than the current one? I won’t be watching, as I was only interested in how the orange faced clown was elected in the first place.

Quite a few have asked about my choice in bacon. I can’t abide smoked, but a nice bit of back does me, or anything lean really. If there’s fat it must be crispy, just chuck it in a crematorium, I’m fine with that.

My underwear continues to be a topic of conversation but as I posted about it that’s ok. As requested, I’ll keep you posted.

3) By far the biggest reactions I’ve had in the blog come from this posting, and mostly about my parents. I have had so many people telling me they are sorry, asking if am I ok now and the like. I thank every one of you, but apart from a couple of days a year, yes I’m really fine. I have a good life.

I’ve had the wild camp since, loved it and have plans to do more in the next couple of weeks.

People have asked how my alcohol limit is so low..I’ve no idea, but hope it remains as such. I wouldn’t want to be one of those souls you see at the off-license when it opens.

The excellent Mitchell and Webb.

4) No more phones have been delivered, yet! However, a couple of charl..errr psychics have been in touch, PROMISING that they can put me in contact with whomever I want. We’ll see. Also there was an email from somebody asking if I’d be interested in doing some scam baiting, so we’ll explore that further.

5) If number 3 has had the biggest reaction, then number 5 is by far the most viewed. Some people just can’t help but click. I should have monetised that link for a charity.

6) A surprising number for this one, maybe it’s the schoolgirl thing, (I mean who on earth would be interested in that?), maybe it’s the wanting to know about my girlfriend. Ellie wants me to post the more in-depth version..I think not! I have that story to tell, but it won’t be posted here. I’m not entirely sure where I could post it.

Apparently I appear confident! To be fair, I usually am, it’s just around certain people that it fades. Of course in my job it helps if you do appear confident, nobody would want to swim where the lifeguard seems hesitant about entering the water. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had a good old dither, mind you. Not being one to shy away from a challenge and being at least outwardly confident, it looks like I’m behaving against my nature if you were to see me asking a friend if I can use their toilet.

7) A “witch”, or some other person in desperate need of a shag, has been threatening to ruin my life after reading the post about the right. He or she’s comments are screen-shotted below, or scroll to the bottom of the link to read them. Very entertaining.. The first message came out of the blue, but maybe she has a spell cast that alerts her to comments made about knuckle-draggers? There was nothing before its’ first post about messing with a witch. Either way, I’ve had nothing happen… The “family” means little Seany, 18 this month and therefore big boys prison awaits in the future, just like his hero Yaxley. The irony that they can’t see is the “thin skins” bit of that post.

Make of it what you will. However to prove that clouds have silver linings, it did spur me on to learn how to embed video, as opposed to just a link to YouTube. So now the video of the EDL arse is embedded. In response to a chat online about how to spruce up the blog.. prepare for more videos! And I’m still waiting to turn into a frog. Or a fox, if I have a choice?

8) The responses to my inability to understand a video game..come on! Everything from “All you need to do it practice” to “u stupid cunt”. Calm. Down. It’s only a game, about which I don’t care. I realise that to some, gaming is their religion and you are either an XBwarx or a PS5 fanboy/girl, and neither shall meet. I don’t care about your strange affiliation to some microchips, and I REALLY don’t care about what you play with the aid of said chips. Spend £60 of your cash on a game by all means, but don’t tell me I can’t comment on it. As for me being a stupid cunt when it comes to gaming and life in general…haven’t we already established that?

People are thanking me for doing charity work, and I thank you for your thanks. I find great pleasure in it, and when on the line for the Christmas evening meal handout will feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The fact that it’s always a great meal helps. I believe that there are socks as gifts as well, donated by a group of knitters.

And George of course. Last week I received a wreath for my door from his management company this year, along with a framed black and white painted portrait of him for auction. Cue a tear or two.

9) I was sort of expecting a comment or two about the battle between Mac and PC..I wasn’t disappointed! “Why do you use a Mac, they’re for people that can’t operate a PC just like you”. Mustn’t have read the post. In much the same way the gamers are linked inextricably to their black or white box, PC users are quite protective of their own operating system of choice. Again it appears to be a gaming thing.

Dad1 has a 486 pc from 2000, works no problem, does that make it worse than a modern PC if all he wants to do is write his letters or do his online billing? My iMac is a 2015 model and still going strong. Will I be getting the new Macbook Pro? Maybe, although the Air is more suited to me. My existing products are more than fine at the moment. I did have an Apple employee get in touch to comment about why they are in your face so much. She told me that it was store policy, the approach works well and deters the casual browser, of which there are hundreds.

10) More Q and A arose from the Q and A.. There will be a follow up at post 20.

11) The antivaxxers didn’t like it, but let’s be grateful that they can type, eh? “u people with ur head in the sand u will die from the v-a-c-c-i-n-e u deserve 2”. No worries. Sadly nothing from the flatearth folk which I was looking forward to, not one. Perhaps they’ve all fallen off the edge? You’ve go to ask yourself why anyone could believe that there is a dome over the earth, the stars are .. well, they cant explain what stars are.. and how tidal forces work.

And there was one superbly illiterate bloke that emailed me to say that the Holocaust was a fake..just like his education, then. He’s coming to see me, to stuff his “swastika covered cock” in my mouth. Your mum will have to let you out of the basement first, the one covered in Call of Duty posters and semen-encrusted underwear.

12) “You call taking a few drags on a spliff taking drugs? I can get you some top quality spice so you can experience it properly”. You mistake me for someone that actually wants to indulge in life-threatening activities. “Grass never hurt no-one man”. Sigh. “I’m off my tits while reading this and you are so funny”. I’d prefer you were happy and not smoking, really.

I really should have told Ellie about the *religious* experiences before writing it down, as she called to say why I hadn’t, but no harm done. I felt stupid even imagining telling folk. As she says, it’s nice to unearth stuff sometimes. While on the subject of her, people should really be beginning to think of us as a couple, so if you don’t like me mentioning her then I don’t know what to do.

13) What can I say, the second highest number of hits..see number 5

14) Not a single Whovian has emailed me about this! I’m shocked. I’ve seen the way they go after anyone that dares to mock the “Whoniverse”. Perhaps I should have called it a children’s programme as that really gets their goat.

There were three comments about the wild camping, two were offers to take me somewhere, (I’m ok thanks), the other advice in the form of a list of recommendations for tents, sleeping bags, bivvy bags, (I had to look that up), camping stoves etc. Thank you, and I’m working my way through the list.

I still get Pounced.

15) The modelling raised some eyebrows. Yes Ellie and Abby have a few images, and no you can’t have any. “But no-one will see them, I promise!” Hard drives have a way of leaking images onto the interweb. I won’t be modelling again, despite my deep interest in other girls doing it. I was pointed towards a few model portfolio websites such as Purestorm in the UK, on which models and photographers can get in touch and share ideas for shoots. It took me about five minutes to reinforce my opinion that I’d never be doing that again.

Some saw the losing of my finger as a disability. It absolutely isn’t. What it is, is one less nail to have done! I keep my nails fairly long, apart from the index and third on my left hand. You can guess why. How did it happen? DVD laser malfunction.

16) A few questions about Rome, and Maria. A number of folk think I can speak Italian, I can’t, but Google can. Is it a romantic city? I can’t be sure. People can find romance in anything, a painting, a book, and yes a city, but I’m not that person. If you want a quiet place away from traffic then don’t visit Rome. The ambulances make a sound like no other, rubbish collections are every day at 2 or 3 in the morning, and the cars seem to think that the pedestrian signals are there for decoration. But for food, culture, history..wonderful. Maria is doing well, still single, and from what I can gather in our conversations, maybe willing to have an experience with a girl. I can but hope.

17). Too new for any comments, but to the two that have responded, it’s no problem. I’ve worked for the Samaritans in the past and will do it again but it’s draining. One three hour call had me in tears but the caller received help from the appropriate agencies, and afterwards sent me flowers. Here in the UK we seem to have extremely little in the way of mental health facilities yet the government can always find money for sprucing up the Houses of Parliament, MP pay rises, and high speed train lines that nobody wants. The myth that more people attempt suicide at this time of year than at others persists, and I believe that in part this is why others feel so down.

In other news…

Lockdown2:COVID’s Revenge

Chelsea football club manager, the horrible Frank Lampard, has been bleating about no fans being allowed to attend Chelsea matches. They had allowed 2000 to attend previously as London was in a lesser tier of lockdown than other parts of the country. For instance we northern folk weren’t allowed to enter St James Park to watch NUFC….which under the current regime is a blessing. Now again its no fans allowed and the likes of Wanky Franky aren’t happy. Tough. We’re trying to save lives, idiot.

*EDIT*. Boris has just announced that London will go into tier 4. so eat that, Frank..

*EDIT 2*. A new strain of the virus has emerged, in the south east. I couldn’t help but laugh as folk exited the capital like lemmings. Faackin Laaahndan mate innit. Now other countries have banned travel between us and them..like we should have done back in March.

*EDIT 3*. Yet another new strain, this time from South Africa. Boris has eventually blocked travel from there and here, at last, stopped the dithering, actually made a decision. Shame it’s way too late.

My cold was just that, a cold. I had a COVID test on Thursday and was clear. On the same day though, Ellie called to say she has the virus, although feeling no symptoms. This does mean though that she won’t be here over Christmas as her dad has a chest condition. It’s not the ideal situation but we have to go along with the rules. Her flight ticket was donated to the lovely people at www.dreamflight.org and my thanks to Sharif at British Airways for his handling of the transfer. I’ll just have to take a place at her parents table on Christmas day, with her sitting at her place via Skype! Can I have your sprouts? Her mum does the best spread I’ve ever seen, and as they’ve a big family it’s usually a packed house. This time it will be just the three of us, before I head out to help with the soup kitchen evening deliveries.

Brexit. A few have asked why I’ve not mentioned the B word. Well, in short, it doesn’t affect me. Is that a bad attitude to take? It’s extremely unlikely I will have descendants on whom my decision would impact. It’s also very divisive. I did vote on it, but that’s a private matter. My thoughts on whether or not we should be allowed to keep all of our fish…..

*EDIT* I see as I type that a deal has been struck with the EU, which poses a problem for reporters. Usually, all we see on the news channels is recorded stuff over the “festive” period, but now they’ll have to do actual work, covering this from every angle.

I had some dickhead flashing a laser pointer in my face when I was out running yesterday and this morning, this at 6am. What kind of knob do you have to be to be up at that time and thinking, “You know what would be a good idea? I’m going to point this at people in the street”. I couldn’t see where it was from but will be looking out for it again.

From the online chat community, a certain mod on a certain website decided that I had to remove any mention of this blog, although I was allowed to tell others there about it. When I asked the admin, it was re-instated. We think this was all a misunderstanding, so now the link is back and traffic here has resumed.

I’ve left Lush alone for a week or so, as I just cannot be bothered with the backbiting, jealousy and all-round nastiness. Let’s hope the arrival of 2021 will have calmed down some folk? I’ll be back there after new year.

From Newcastle Quayside…..

And from my own city.. Preben Cottage, Durham. My thanks to Martin for the image.

As ever, thanks for reading.



24th of December, 2020


5 thoughts on “18) A Roundup.”

  1. My beautiful girl, reading these make me long for home. Missing the little things, just holding hands or walking on the beach. And yes, you NEED to post that tale!

    I. Love. You.


  2. Thanks for the updates. Always a giggle to read your posts, my girl! Miss you bunches and sorry about whatever or whoever got to you in Lushland. Thought you (like me-NOT!) let it all go like water off a duck’s back!
    Love. You. Too.








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