38) The royals, the census, and Brexit.

“We only get what we give” -New Radicals.

Hi there girls and boys, I hope you’re well.

I get asked a bit about Britain when online, mainly from those who’ve seen the latest shite about Harry and whatshername. That’s Harry Hewitt, because there is no way he is the progeny of Charlie, is there? I’m not a royal family fan, and would much rather they just faded away after the Queen goes. Dear America. We don’t all love the monarchy. We don’t all live in London. Red telephone boxes are rarer than a Newcastle win. We don’t all have bad teeth. We don’t all speak cock-er-ny. It doesn’t always rain. We don’t always get so pissed at weekends we fall over. (I know nothing about that one.)

Red – London. Not red – most of us.

As to who was “worried” about the latest baby being of colour, that will have been the racist grandad, prince not-so-charming Phillip. Oprah Winfrey may have said otherwise, but we live with his shite all of the time. Such quotes as;

“British women can’t cook,” he told the Scottish Womens’ Institute.

“It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons,” he muttered while being shown Ethiopian art.

“We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves,” speaking to journalists in Canada.

To a Kenyan woman. “You are a woman, aren’t you?”

“If you stay here much longer you will all be slitty-eyed,” he told British exchange students who lived in China.

“You can’t have been here that long — you haven’t got a pot belly,” he told a British tourist during a visit to Budapest

“Do you still throw spears at each other?” to a group of Indigenous Australians

“So who’s on drugs here?… He looks as if he’s on drugs,” he said of a 14-year-old boy while at a Bangladeshi youth club 

“You look like you’re ready for bed!” to the President of Nigeria in 2003, who was dressed in traditional robes.

“Is it a strip club?” he asked when meeting a female Sea Cadet who told the Prince she worked in a nightclub

“That’s a nice tie … Do you have any knickers in that material?” he asked Annabel Goldie, the Scottish Conservative leader.

I rest my case.

I don’t mind Charlie, bit of a tree-hugger but so am I. The Queen will probably skip him and go for William as King. William seems level headed, and unlike his half-brother, didn’t dress up as for parties as a nazi. However, I wonder why he didn’t keep up the helicopter pilot job..surely if the monarchy wants to be come a modern institution then having a job would help with the public perception. Instead, he’s now the usual hand-shaking figurehead the family wants. Diana had the right ideas, but it wasn’t to be.

Last Sunday was Census day here in the UK, apart from Nicolaland where they are doing things differently this time around. Did you complete your form? Abby came over and we completed it online. In a hundred years time, people will be looking at it, perhaps wondering why two 31 year old girls were in the same house, unrelated. In other words, why we’ve moved on from old stereotypes of having to be married to men at an early age. Or perhaps not. Since Ellie is still registered as living at her parents house, they completed hers.

Earlier in the day I went next-door and completed my elderly neighbour’s, and while there, their own next door couple popped in asking me if I could do theirs. Tea, cake, masks and doorstep census filling. Word got about and I ended up completing seven. A nice Sunday. I’d no idea my wifi had such a strong signal.

Apparently some people aren’t going to complete theirs, instead opting for the £1000 fine. Much like the antivaxxers, they’ll complete it but tell their friends that they paid the fine. Quite why you feel the need to avoid filling in your details that nobody gives a fuck about…”The man” has all of your info anyway.

Brexit. Ah Brexit, the thing that divides the UK like Marmite. I’m not going to say which way I voted, but it’s plain to see that neither side got what they wanted. The Remainers will say, “Well I hope you’re happy, you believed what was written in the side of a bus”, while the Leavers will say, “We can make a go of this!”, which is a more positive message. Remainers are called remoaners for a reason. We’ve left, after a fashion anyway, so can’t we all pull together and make something of it, rather than court actions or some tit wanting to try to get the EU to recognise his street?

What people forget is that we have the tories in charge. These utter bellends can fuck up something as simple as handing a contract to a ferry company. What’s wrong with that, you may ask? Well said ferry company didn’t own any ferries. And the contract apparently copied terms and conditions from a takeaway website.

Yet people think that these numpties can organise leaving the EU? They may be experts at doing over the less-wealthy, but that’s about it..well, apart from feathering their own nests. Now I’m not saying Labour could have done this any better. I’m soon to re-join, (after chatting to the knicker-wettingly gorgeous Laura Pidcock in person recently I realise that trying to change the party from outside is never going to work), but have the common sense to see that the organisation has it’s own faults. It’s biggest challenge is the tory-in-disguise Starmer. This isn’t the first time the party has had such a person in charge, see Mr Blair.

So we had the lorries in queues miles long for Covid testing, companies filling in forms that they didn’t have to do beforehand that may have cost them an hour and the price of a pen, the sky falling in..sorry that didn’t happen. Planes continued to fly as normal, ships docked and left, trade continues. The Euro took a dip but has recovered. People will cry wolf at the slightest thing. It’s been the same with Covid. “We’re going out of business as the tourists can’t visit”, certain Lake District business said six months ago..yet miraculously they are still open and eager to accommodate guests! I lost track of how many pubs would be closing, yet they are all gearing up for business. What happens with the pub industry is that every now and again they will tell you that one pub closes every week. Utter bullshit. If we lost 52 pubs a year, then Britain would collapse.

Look, I’ve no doubt businesses have folded, but this happens every week. Over 50% of all startups in the UK cease trading within five years, this is fact. Most of those five years are spent paying off loans. Nearly all of the owners don’t pay themselves a wage. Take my own pool and gym. There are two of them now but after the first year the original one was two days away from closing for good. This was before I began work there. It was only the owner literally winning the lottery that saved the business. From then it has gone on to be a stable business, but this shows you how fragile it can be.

So will Brexit be a good thing? One thing for me tells me yes. For the EU to do a trade deal with Canada took 8 years. Why this long? Well each of the 29 countries wanted their little bit in the negotiations..let’s just call them separate deals. Wouldn’t it have been easier to negotiate separately? And I’m in no confusion about who the EU is for. The less well-off countries see it as a lifeline, the bigger ones a money-making exercise..

By now I’m sure there will be folk bashing their keyboards, telling me I’m naive, (as if I don’t know that), that the EU is a great institution that we need on our side, (I agree), that the EU didn’t dictate that bananas need to be straighter, (but they did say “free from malformation or abnormal curvature”).

And, that we need our own fishing grounds (I agree), that we can trade more freely with other countries, (we always could), and that the EU did dictate that we need straighter bananas, (“free from malformation or abnormal curvature” doesn’t mean straight).

I can sit on the fence with the best of them. Perhaps I should be a Lib Dem?

An update on the Roland 03. While the thing is wonderful, it gives me blasting headaches. Even using speakers, it does something to my brain that just makes it painful the next day. In the past I’ve noticed my head hurting after watching tv at other’s homes, and since discovered that OLED screens flicker, and that this is the reason for those headaches. As yet I’ve not researched if the same thing can happen with certain sounds and frequencies, and I hope not as I love the machine. To the people I have had accessing the blog and getting in touch about it, many many thanks. Once lockdown ends, if if ever does, I aim to have a bit of a jam with a friend that likes to thrash his guitar in a Foo Fighters fashion, and a dj that likes industrial techno. Perhaps not at the same time!

I’ve a busy week ahead, pool stuff, as well as much prep for the next post here, all will be revealed!

And if anyone fancies being a neighbour.. https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/96567059#/ Not one of the more upscale properties mind.

A massive “well-deserved” to Sergio and Emma of the Red Sky Foundation for their award this week. I’ve had the pleasure of working with them for events which have easily been my favourites to help with and attend. If you’d like to see what I do for fun and to raise money for a great cause… https://redskyfoundation.com/home/

As ever, thanks for reading



31st of March, 2021


5 thoughts on “38) The royals, the census, and Brexit.”

  1. When it comes to politicians, Douglas Adams’s description (via Ford Prefect) fits best: “You’re all a bunch of useless bloody loonies!”
    We Canadians have a choice of worse, worse, worse, or worse; none even manage to rise to the level of bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Please don’t put misquotations in quotation marks. Ford Prefect’s exact words were “You’re a load of useless, bloody loonies!”, both in the original radio program and in _The Restaurant at the End of the Universe_. “Bunch” is an Americanism.


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