“Blasted lesbians everywhere, they should be made to wear a badge or something!” Rik Mayall, Bottom.
Hi there girls and boys, I hope you’re well. Of course if you’re in North Tyneside as I am, who knows that state you could be in! The government certainly don’t. Cretins.
Last week I received a phonecall from a woman purporting to be from my home insurance company. They were doing a survey and could she take take five mins of my time? Of course, I’m happy to help. She sounded local, and as my insurance is with a local firm I had no reason to suspect anything was strange. She seemed to know a lot about me, my insurance premiums, what was insured in general etc. Could I meet her to see if we could lower the premium? I’m fine with what I pay, yes it’s a bit on the high side but I like my security, so I declined. That was that.
The next day came a visit from a mystery woman, attractive, about my age. “Hello, we talked on the phone, can I come in to discuss your insurance…” I don’t think an unannounced visit from somebody is ok, at least give me a call and let me get my hair tied back, Kylie excepted. She batted her eyes a lot, saying she thought she “remembered me from Durham uni” and leant over as she extracted a folder from her bag at her feet, allowing me to see her impressive boobs encased in a bright pink bra.. What is going on, a part of my brain was asking.
You hear a lot about social engineering, with the facebook folk giving away too much information and the next thing you know, you’ve been done out of thousands by a con artist. I don’t have facebook but do have this blog and so I’m well aware that it could be used in a way to get on my good side or as a basis for exploiting me in some way. This is why I’ve laid traps. Dear reader, everything I write here is true, my name, Ellie, Abby, places etc. The only things I change are small details, in order that others aren’t offended or exposed. It was one of these white lies that alerted me to her status as a potential conwoman.
I did ask her in for a cuppa.. no I didn’t, don’t be silly! I politely declined and faked a prior engagement, so she left, looking over her shoulder and smiling, a trick I learned years ago just to show that you’re interested in a person or what they had to say was interesting.
A trip to town today tells me that the insurance company are still on furlough, a phonecall confirming this. And they have nobody of that description working for them. My experiences with the charlatan psychics covered this sort of thing, don’t let anyone see all about you, and if they do, let them tell you what they know, don’t tell them yourself.
She quoted something I had written which was a white lie. One tiny detail otherwise she may have been accepted as genuine by somebody less able to check history. My uni and I are still on great speaking terms, and they’ve no record of her there. This all just goes to show how easily some can be duped. Have I been socially engineered? Possibly. Was she trying to get in, not only to my house but maybe my knickers, in order to worm her way into my life? Maybe. Did my Ring doorbell and security cameras catch the whole thing in HD? Undoubtably. The police have been notified so that this doesn’t happen to anybody else. The details about my insurance will have been guessed, as were the items insured, about which, looking back, she was very vague. Still, how did she know I was insured with what is a small company? Insider knowledge? Leaked details? I shred all of my correspondence and so it’s unlikely she’s gone through that and pieced together the statements, it’s not like she’s going to have the resources of MI5.
At the moment I can see a spider, outside the window, in the corner of the frame. She’s busily building a web. It’s drizzling and breezy, so she’s having a hard time of it, but keeps on going. I doubt she has many concerns other than that web at the minute.
I didn’t have to come out of the closet as such, at least not to my foster parents. Mum2 tells me she knew well before the age of 14 that I was heading towards women rather than men. Ellie’s mum was the same, with my big blue eyes staring adoringly at her for years and her daughter’s attachment to me it was no surprise, they tell me. Abby though… Her parents are rather straight laced, although there’s nothing wrong with that, I’ve been accused of it myself. She didn’t tell them until she has left uni and begun her legal career at 25. Even now with her at the age of 32 they are still asking when she’s going to meet a nice young man, as if saying that will magically transform her to heterosexual.
Can we talk about the attitude of the general public to lesbians? I’ve come across many men that think its perfectly fine to tell me that I really want a man in my life. Every woman is secretly bi. Are you exclusively les? Why don’t you try a man and see what you’re missing?
I have men in my life. Ellie’s dad is so nice, Abby’s too. Father Dave is wonderful, as are all four of my (gay male) neighbours in Durham. These all pale into insignificance when compared to my two foster dads. I don’t feel any urge to sleep with any of them!
I know women that are bisexual, and I’ve no problem with that. They like both sexes, and before anybody tells me otherwise, there are only two biological sexes, so can we leave the trans and whatever-identity-you-have-this-week alone for now? The ever growing list of additional letters tacked onto the end of “LGBT” makes me think we should just add on the whole alphabet. Hugs to you all though. If a girl wants to have male and female partners, that doesn’t concern me. But the majority of women, just the same as men, are not secretly bisexual.
Am I exclusively les? Yes, that’s what a lesbian is. How would you feel if I asked you, as a bloke, if you were exclusively heterosexual? You’d get all uppity and defensive, probably quoting how many women you’d shagged. “Aye fuck, naa like. Are ye accusing me of being a puff?” Surely everybody knows the difference between lesbians and bisexuals? Really? Google is your friend.
I’ve been asked these questions mainly online, as you’re anonymous and can’t be answered through the medium of a slap, quite a lot. It irks me slightly, but then don’t go online if you’ve a thin skin. Only this week on a discord channel, I was asking a music question when somebody decided they would steer the group conversation to my sexuality. I’m happy to answer questions, but what is it that you can’t grasp about me wanting a girl over a boy?
I was once in a club, happily dancing away as you do. I was there with three other girls, having a great night. A man approached and asked if he could dance with me. The more the merrier, I rarely say no and so we did. Dancing is one of those things that many many people think they can’t do, but even if you are just a shoe-shuffler, it’s still dancing. I needed to use the facilities and so wandered off. On returning he was hanging round my friends. He saw me and darted over, trying to hold my hand. When I explained I was there for just a dance and was interested in girls only, sorry, he immediately flew into a tirade about bloody lesbians, leading men on, you’re all bi really you’ve just never had a hard shag from a bloke, fucking dykes…blah blah. Is having a dance leading somebody on? I know full well that in that club there will have been hundreds of perfectly nice men that would understand that a dance is just a dance.. sadly I got the Neanderthal.
Abby had arguments about her sexuality with her whole family, it seems. They aren’t properly religious, hardly hardline Christian fundamentalists. It’s accepted now that they just didn’t like the idea of their second daughter being, and I quote, “different”. Strangely then they were ok with the likes of Ellie and I. On the occasions when we’ve stayed over they’ve gone out of their way to make us feel welcome as a couple, even going to the trouble of buying a double bed for us. Abby’s older sister lives in Angola, married to her scientist husband. She rarely talks to her family, but has voiced her horror at the thought of her sister being “different”. I get the blame of course. “If it hadn’t have been for that school and that girl she would have been normal”. She is normal, you daft cow.
Twice, both in clubs, I’ve had hetero women ask me what it’s like to be with another woman. What’s a girl to do? These are the strange bi-curious folk, usually only seen online. Well here you are in a club on a girls only night, hundreds of women of which a large percentage are gay.. take your pick! Of course it isn’t as easy as that, my own shyness in the past has prevented me from doing exactly that, but you’ve a better chance of finding somebody that will be more than willing to take you under their wing than you do online. Of these two we did take one home, let’s call her Dawn, had a very nice time, after which she said that she had enjoyed in very much but that was her curiosity gone and that she probably wouldn’t do it again. Ellie was a bit let down, thinking Dawn hadn’t enjoyed it but later that week we saw her in town and she came over, kisses, hugs, introduced us to her friends, and since keeps in touch with Ellie.. the mobile has a use!
Should you come out to your family then? I can’t speak for anybody else. Your circumstances will be vastly different to anybody else’s. You may live within a strict religion, you may live in an area which has very few people and so you’d be the odd one out and therefore may be shunned, you may be just settled in your life and don’t want to make waves.
The main thing is to be happy though. My spider is still doing her thing outside, albeit now in the sunshine. It can be like that for your sexuality, it’s all consuming, every thought is what others will think of you, but it will pass, and one day you’ll find yourself in a relationship.
Stay safe, my little spiderlings.
As ever, thanks for reading.
26th of May, 2021