“But I’m trying hard to keep my cool” Find the time – 5 Star
Hi there, girls and boys, I hope you’re well.
Let me tell you a tale. Once upon a time there was a man called Kolee. Kolee was angry at most people, but particularly at the police. Perhaps he was upset that he was stopped and searched when younger. Perhaps he was angry because he didn’t have a job or a perceived lack of opportunities. Whatever the reason though he decided to become an auditor. Now auditors do have a place in the world. They ensure the safety of construction workers at a building site, they can check the finances of a company to satisfy the owners that their cashflow is sufficient, or that a company’s processes are legal.
Kolee though chose to be a police and prisons auditor. For this you need no training, not even the slightest bit. All you need is a camera, and the belief that you are an independent journalist. From his dire YouTube channel.. “Koleeberks is a British auditor apart of the PINAC movement (Photography Is Not A Crime). He records various buildings, sites and establishments from the public and documents how British taxpayers money is being spent. All for the matters of public interest“. I won’t correct the spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Berk is right.
Kolee is like most auditors, in that he loves being arrested. He’ll verbally push and push until the officers at the police station arrest him for obstructing them in their duty. A law which points towards these Frauditors specifically doesn’t exist, so other laws have to be breached before an arrest can be made, usually anti-social behaviour. Been there, done that, to my shame.
Auditors within the UK are increasing which have resulted in some good and bad responses from our police officers. From PoliceHour.co.uk – “An Auditor is a member of the public who attends police stations, public, civil services, Ministry of Defence and Coronavirus testing sites with the purpose of capturing staff on camera which is prerecorded and edited or live-streamed to social media.”
Auditors have been a common practice in the United States for a number of years and now there is an increasing and developing community within the UK which have large amounts of followers and subscribers. For followers, read fucking idiots. (Ding). Hi Team Skeptic!
As for how an audit works, well thats a bit of a mystery. As far as I can make out, you take one twat with a phone or multiple phones, who then walk up to a building. If no-one from the building complains, the audit is passed. If someone does engage, it’s a fail. Passes are very rarely featured on the various social media outlets of auditors, as they’re boring and make no money.
There are two prison officers that live on my street in Durham. Both have been filmed going into and leaving their place of work, Frankland high security prison. Being one of only five of it’s type, it houses some of the worst offenders in the UK. So you’d be right in thinking that anyone filming may be up to no good. Now while filming in public is totally legal, you’ve got to ask why anyone would want to do this when prison officers are dealing with the aforementioned inmates? The only possible reason is to cause confrontation when people going about their job ask why someone if filming them. The frauditor wants to provoke a reaction. The more action, the more people will watch, the more YouTube money they make. Not quite sure if the DWP or HMRC approve though… The irony of course is that the people filming, (I’ll use filming as videoing is an ugly word), those filming others doing a job, have no job of their own.
Over in the US, where you have a constitution to abide by/uphold/bleat about when the law isn’t going your way, the first amendment shaggers put our own frauditors to shame. Call a British police officer a motherfucker, and you’ll be in the back of the van, charged with a public order offence, kept overnight, and certainly fined. I’ve seen video of our transatlantic auditor cousins calling officers worse, but they are allowed to under their beloved first amendment. Freedom of speech and all that. Full marks to the officers for their coolness when faced with the morons. Yes, there are bad officers, kneeling on someones neck until they die isn’t a good look, but on the whole they appear to be just normal people doing a job. The first amendment shaggers don’t get this. Having someone hold a phone to your face while doing your job isn’t something the jobless are ever going to understand, though. I accept that at this time of writing I’ve no job either, but there’s a line between being un-employed and being un-employable.
In my, now, past life as a lifeguard, I knew everything there was to know about the pool, the safety, as well as the laws around such. I’d be mightily pissed off if some unwashed idiot holding a phone or two approached me, telling me I was doing my job incorrectly, or worse, telling me to “toddle off and do your job” while they filmed me. The officers must have the patience of a saint.
Take Glenn Cerio. Glenn lives in a small town in Washington State, USA, where he abuses, racially in some cases, the police, and has done so for years. Here’s a link to a video of him doing this, for no reason. Go to two minutes.
He was recently sent to jail for five days for a traffic offence, and when he emerged from his appearance in front of the judge was met by a few people with their phones, all filming him. He didn’t like it. Perhaps they should all go to his house, stand on the pavement outside, using their own freedoms to film Glenn as he waddles about. He like others has filmed in post offices for fuck’s sake..because he think he has freedom of the press. You’re not the press, and Poster 7 only gives you the right to film until someone asks you to leave. All you are is a twat.
These frauditors all march under the banner of sovereign citizens, people that believe that the laws of the land just don’t apply to them. Rather they live under the misapprehension that they are covered by maritime law, or insert-your-own law, or whatever. Basically, they want to cause upset, notoriety and small chaos, all because..why? It makes them feel important? Because they have so little in their lives they feel the need to annoy others? Adding the word sir to every question doesn’t make you polite. Never more has the phrase, “get a life” been so appropriate. “I don’t need a driving licence because I’m not driving, I’m travelling, sir”, or “What law have I broken, sir?”, not forgetting their favourite question, “Am I being detained, sir?” to which the answer is yes. As well as having your now windowless car towed.
Thankfully, for every frauditor channel there are two anti-auditor channels. Schrodinger’s Cat, Team Sceptic, Facts or Frauds, and the excellent Ragical, amongst others, all proving that no matter how stupid the human race gets, there will always be sane people to balance that out.
I can see @SeanDailyTweets going into this auditing lark. Now that he’s backed off from worshipping racists, he’ll have to have something to occupy his time.
Jeremy Corbyn, Jezza, wor Jeremy, and hero of the song, has an older brother, Piers. Piers has always been a bit of a maverick, a conspiracy theorist. His latest outbursts are to support anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers. I was therefore a little surprised, (I wasn’t), to find out that his staunch views on the matter are easily undermined by cash. Two young men posing as shareholders in AstraZeneca offered him £10,000 to not mention the company in his tirades on social media. To be fair, one of had them purchased a £100 of AZ shares, so he wasn’t lying. Piers did what all greedy turncoats do, and accepted the cash. The cash shown to him was real, but it was swapped for Monopoly money when a pretty girl approached to distract him by asking if she could have a selfie. We’ve all fallen for the pretty girl routine. Piers has since said he was “naive”. Back when I attended school, the word was spelled g r e e d y.
He is just the latest in a long line of anti-vaxxers that rail against the jab, only to cave in and have it. As I mentioned in this post, these people are all mouth and no trousers. Peter Hitchins, a person that dislikes gay marriage, speaks against climate change, and spent a long time telling anybody who would listen that the jab was a bad thing… then went and had it. But then he does write for the Daily Mail.
I’ve an acquaintance, a perfectly same man of 25. He has a good job as a builder, lovely wife, and a child on the way. He’s also fervently anti-mask. Not anti-vaccine mind you, just the masks. “Fucking muzzles, they are” he’ll growl. Recently he was on an anti-mask rally in London, something about giving people their freedom back…this on the day after all lockdown restrictions were lifted. Piers Corbyn attended, and the rally was was aimed at the BBC. “Let’s all gather at the BBC, they can’t ignore us”. Sadly for the fuckwits, they went to the old BBC building, from which there hasn’t been a broadcast in ten years. What’s the saying about piss-ups and breweries?
What happened to Kolee, though, I hear you ask? Well, and you wont see this on his social media, he was made to write a letter of apology to an officer that he had an altercation with inside the police station, but was released without charge for the audit shite. The letter must have taken ages, as I’m fairly sure he can’t write. Like most of these frauditors, they have only a limited grasp of the law, and I mean actual law, not made-up-in-your-mind or repeated from a YouTube video. Abby, a barrister that has worked for the CPS, has tales of these types that will bore anyone senseless. They all think they know the law. Go to uni and do a law degree then.
To the many that have asked if I’m ok in myself, yes I am, thanks for asking though. Let’s put the pool event behind us, move on, and find out what’s next on my life adventure.
As ever, thanks for reading.
17th August, 2021